


Addicted To Your Allure

by cazmalfoy



Category: CSI: Miami, CSI: NY
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 22:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6584371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cazmalfoy/pseuds/cazmalfoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do, when you know something is bad for you? And you still can't let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addicted To Your Allure

_What do you do?_  
When you know something is bad for you.  
And you sill can’t let go  
  
What happened to me? I used to so strong; so independent. I never needed to be with someone to make myself happy. So what the hell happened?

I didn’t even want to be with you originally. Sure, I thought that you were attractive and funny, but that was it. You were just someone who was a friend of a friend; nothing more.

In the middle of every sleepless night I find myself lying awake, staring through the darkness and thinking about how I managed to get myself here.

I’ve tried cutting the ties that bind me to you. Over and over again, I’ve tried to avoid answering my phone when you call; tried not to respond to emails you’ve sent and messages you’ve left. I’ve even tried spending more time at work so that I wouldn’t be at home if you called.

When this all started, everything seemed wonderful. It had so long since I had been in a serious relationship that it was like starting from the very beginning. Our first night together we were like teenagers. Fumbling with zippers and clashing our teeth. 

It didn’t last long that night; a few touches and kisses were all it took before we were both lost with pleasure.

It took me a long time to admit that my feelings towards you were more than I had ever imagined they could be. My heart is telling me that I’m in love with you. Truly, madly, deeply; head over heels in love.

Then why is my head telling me that I’ve been naïve and foolish all along?

Is that true? Have my feelings of lust clouded my judgement to the point that I can’t tell if it’s my heart or hormones speaking?

Every time I try to sever the strings, I find a reason to stay with you. Or maybe, they’re excuses. Who can tell? It’s very clear that you are the puppeteer in our strange carnival show.

I’ve done so much for you. I’m not trying to make myself out to be a martyr in this; but I have tried so hard to make you as happy as possible. I’ve done everything you asked of me. 

I see now that my efforts were futile. Sometimes, no matter how hard a captain tries, he cannot prevent his ship from sinking in the dark depths of the ocean.

But what can I do? Do I listen to my heart and stay, even know I know I’ll come out of this on the worse end and it won’t be pretty.

Or do I listen to my head and pack my things and leave? I could leave you here, sitting alone in the empty apartment and wondering what went wrong.

You were the one that went wrong. Somewhere in this relationship, you became too comfortable; too used to having me to lean on; too used to being able to take your frustration out me.

What will you do now that I’m not there?

 _Every time I try to gasp for air_  
I get smothered in despair  
It’s never over, over  
Seems I’ll never wake  
From this nightmare  
I lay down and sigh   
And pray it’ll be over, over

 _Inside I’m screaming, Begging,  
_ _Pleading, no more_  
  
\- Walk Away - Christina Aguilera


End file.
